my mother was such a strong woman.
she loved spending time with all 8 of us and all of her grand and great grand kids.
but she was lonely without my step-dad.
but she was lonely without my step-dad.
my children love her fiercely!
i love her more than i can express.
i love her more than i can express.
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her absence leaves a gaping hole in my heart.
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i don't know how to do this.
i don't know how to be 33 with two very young children and no mom.
i am so grateful for my sweet husband.
he is everything to me and i crave his presence as my heart is breaking.
we told miss S last night as we put her to bed and she was so sweet. it was so sweet to listen to her as she tried to make sense of gramma being in heaven.
where is heaven and how does she get there and is heaven in the clouds and what does it look like there and why can't we see her again and i'm really going to miss her and is god in heaven and is jesus in heaven and can we see them and has anyone seen them and why can't we see god...
such hard questions to explain to a 4 yr. old.
she promptly told mr. H this morning....
"hey buddy, gramma joyce's heart was too sick and it stopped working and she died and we are going to miss her a whole bunch, i'm sorry."
he looked at me and then at her, smiled and said... "No Way!"
my sentiments exactly my sweet boy!
the rest of this week leading into this weekend is going to be hard.
i look forward to spending time with my siblings and family, soaking up their presence, grieving and crying and honoring her; remembering what an amazing amazing woman she was. how she helped me to become the person i am.
i strive to be a quarter as amazing as she was.
xx
nicke
i don't know how to be 33 with two very young children and no mom.
i am so grateful for my sweet husband.
he is everything to me and i crave his presence as my heart is breaking.
we told miss S last night as we put her to bed and she was so sweet. it was so sweet to listen to her as she tried to make sense of gramma being in heaven.
where is heaven and how does she get there and is heaven in the clouds and what does it look like there and why can't we see her again and i'm really going to miss her and is god in heaven and is jesus in heaven and can we see them and has anyone seen them and why can't we see god...
such hard questions to explain to a 4 yr. old.
she promptly told mr. H this morning....
"hey buddy, gramma joyce's heart was too sick and it stopped working and she died and we are going to miss her a whole bunch, i'm sorry."
he looked at me and then at her, smiled and said... "No Way!"
my sentiments exactly my sweet boy!
the rest of this week leading into this weekend is going to be hard.
i look forward to spending time with my siblings and family, soaking up their presence, grieving and crying and honoring her; remembering what an amazing amazing woman she was. how she helped me to become the person i am.
i strive to be a quarter as amazing as she was.
xx
nicke
You are THAT amazing. I promise you. You are so strong and a wonderful mom to those two cuties. You are in my thoughts, sweet friend. I can't imagine how hard this is for you, but knowing you are not alone, I just hope that comforts you a little. Love you lots.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. My mother is miles away from me and I still don't know how I would deal with losing her. You are in my thoughts. Ditto what Jacey said. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Nikke. Let me know if there's anything I can do. I would be more than willing to take your kids and let them play with mine while you do the things you need to. Just let me know.
ReplyDeleteIf my heart could break open right now and wrap itself around you for a little while, it would. May all the love you so freely give to others be returned to you 10-fold during this emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting time. xo-xo-xo ♥♥♥
ReplyDeleteI'll keep you in my prayers Nicke.
ReplyDeleteOh Nicke, i'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My mother is 3,000 miles away from me and though I don't talk to her everyday I can't imagine what you're going through. Positive thoughts and prayers are being sent your way.
ReplyDeleteYou are such an incredibly beautiful person and this post brought me to some serious tears. You know this already, but my heart is with you all the time.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Just know that I'm thinking of you and sending hugs your way all week long!!
ReplyDeleteprayers nicke :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jacey, you are an amazing woman Nicke!! I am totally crying for you right now, I can't imagine what you're going through. Thinking and praying for you and your family! Let me know if there is anything I can do for you! xo
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Nicke. She sounds like an amazing woman! Glad you're finding comfort in your husband and your children and family.
ReplyDeleteMy dear mother has been gone from this earth since June 2008 and I miss her every day. The ache will ease and the memories will be sweet. Prayers to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. Sending prayers to you and your family
ReplyDeleteNicke, I am so, so sorry for your loss! I can't even imagine what you must being going through and feeling. You know I am here for you always and will be praying fo ryou and your swee family!! LOVE you Nicke!
ReplyDeleteNicke,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for you and your family for such a loss! I lost my Dad when I was 19. It's very had to lose a parent. I hope that this weekend is nothing short of magical for all of you. Much love!
Nice please tell Miss S that her new Skype friend said you can absolutely see Jesus and God. Every time she looks in the eyes of an innocent child or loving eyes of her mommy and daddy. Or possibly into the healed eyes of the broken hearted which is exactly what she will see in your eyes soon. Don't expect the pain to disappear overnight but instead enjoy the moments of remembrance and joy. The sadness is just part of remembering who your mother was and ultimately who you are. You are amazing and I am blessed to know you. My prayers are with you. Let God rise up in you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your loss, Nicke. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteoh I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's passing....bless you as you travel through these most difficult of days. {hug}
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you and your family at this sad and difficult time. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteOh Nicke my heart is breaking for you my friend; you were so strong for me recently, my Inbox is always open to you. You are a wonderful mum, and your mum will be proud of you forever xxx
ReplyDeleteBig hugs Nicke. I'm here for you if you need me - any time! You are in my thoughts. xxx
ReplyDeleteMy eyes are filling for you. I'm so, so sorry. May God bless you as you grieve.
ReplyDeletei love reading these wonderful words you wrote about your mom... in fact, i'm tearing up right now. you are such a wonderful woman, nicke, i can only imagine that your mom must have been super amazing to give life to and raise you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou are so amazing Nicke, and I'm so sad with you. I love seeing these pictures of her and reading about here. Enjoy grieving with your family (as weird as that sounds. You know what I mean.)
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so sorry Nicke!
ReplyDeleteNicke!! I am so sorry to hear of your loss and can only imagine the pain you and your family are going through! I lost my grandpa earlier this year and my grandma last year but that heartache is nothing compared to that of losing a parent. *hugs* my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your Mum - thoughts are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteWell shit. I am sitting in my van and crying for you. Crying cause i know how you feel and what you are going through and I am so sorry. So sorry
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is awful, no matter your age.
ReplyDeleteBe proud she raised a woman as amazing as you are. She would be. I love you, and you make my life brighter. May the light you give be in your heart in these so hard times....I wish I could hug you in person.
ReplyDeleteOh,nicke, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. She sounds like an amazing woman (well of course she was...she raised you!). Sending much love to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss...I cannot imagine what you are feeling. It sounds like she was a wonderful mother and I know you are so blessed. praying for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Nicke. No one should have to lose her mom at 33. She raised you to be a strong and generous woman, and you and your family will get through this.
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for you. I am thinking of and praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteOh Nicke, I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending love and praying for you and your family. xoxo
ReplyDeleteNicke...sending you so much love and prayers to help you make it through the next phase of your life without your mom. I lost my dad 12 years ago and miss him every day! Big HUGS! You can do this with the love and support of your friends and family.
ReplyDeletea million hugs, my friend. you are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMassive big cuddles my sweet sweary buddy, I'll be thinkin of you. x
ReplyDeleteoh.
ReplyDeletebiggest of hugs friend.
i'm so sorry.
I am sorry to hear about your big loss. My heart goes to you and your family...
ReplyDeleteSometimes I can't find the words, so I'm sending hugsxxxx
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Nicke. My heart hurts for you.
ReplyDeleteNicke! Thinking of you!!
ReplyDeleteI was just talking to a friend about how we are getting older which means our parents are getting older and how can one ever prepare to lose a part of our very heart and soul. You can't. How do you get through it? I don't know...but I do know you go through it with the arms and prayers of those that love you wrapped around you.I hope you feel those arms and those prayers at this time and that you find peace and comfort during such a painful time.
Praying for you and your family.
Nicke, I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. I've been thinking about you a ton, and if there's anything I can do to help please let me know!! You are incredible, and the positivity and joy you bring to all of your friends is truly significant. I hope the time you spend with your family is calming and restorative.
ReplyDeletenicke, my heart goes out to you! wish I was closer and could come give u a big hugs!
ReplyDeleteI just happened upon your blog. Your wound is fresh, your sadness so real. You are young to lose a parent. My father passed away 2 yrs. ago 10/29 at the age of 93, I was 51. It is very difficult to go through this and your life will never be the same but you will find comfort in memories. Take care and I wish you well.
ReplyDeleteNicke I am so so sorry for your loss and your sadness. Ill be thinking of you and your family. My heart goes out to you. Xo
ReplyDelete